Oh, the nostalgia.

So I have come full circle with blogging, and am still obsessed, but now am a Tumblr addict. My link (if anyone ever reads this) is llizabell.tumblr.com.

Also, as I randomly signed in to Blogspot in hopes of finding an old poem that I wrote, I just really started to get freaked out. The last time I wrote was March 2011. That really wasn't that long ago, but the abundance of events that have happened in my life, and how drastically distant my life then feels from my life now blows my mind.

I have added two new best friends to my bunch of amazing people that I'm surrounded by. As Thanksgiving was just last week, I keep getting swept off my feet with thankfulness when I think about the people in my life. Although balancing old friends and new ones can feel like a constant struggle, the fact, in the first place, that I even have to worry about that is a sign of how greatly I am blessed and is nothing to complain about at all.

I always feel a sense of passion and deep thought as the holidays approach. Not a sadness, just a kind of nostalgia. I'm a senior now, and am almost half way through with the school year. How strange it is to think that in not long at all, my life will be taking such violent twists and turns of change. My life now will most likely feel like a distant memory just the same.

I'm so not ready to say goodbye to people that I feel like I've finally connected with. I recently shared a conversation with my brother, and he was saying how family and maybe a few friends are all you really have after having been in college for 3 years. I found that quite unsettling. I don't want to have to pick who I'll stay close to. I don't want to leave. Not just yet.

As far as how my life is going, I suppose it's pretty nice. With Christmastime just around the corner, I'm already feeling the excitement and coziness of the season. As I said before, I adore my friends. Classes are just whatever, nowhere near the hell of Calculus. I have a huge senior project that I should be getting started on and a thousand college application essays still to do. Love life, as always, is confusing. I am, as always, a mix of hopeful and pessimistic (or some other word that I can't find in my vocabulary for how I'm feeling). I'm scared to get attached to things right before I leave. But I have decided that fear for what the future brings, even if it may be hurt and not fun feelings, is nothing to be consumed by or to let control your decisions.

I wish to let go of deciding, and choosing, and worrying, and picking, and endings. All things that are quickly approaching me. I wish to just soak in these last few moments of normalcy and home, and let things take me where they may.

P.S.

I just fell in love with dubstep.

I've had such the refreshing night-- I love how He can do that to me. He refreshes and quenches my every desire and need, yet makes me so deeply want more, so thirsty for more of His peace that I am so unworthy of but need more than the very air I'm breathing. I fell in love with so much Scripture tonight, and was reminded of how deep and beautiful the Word is. His love letters to me are so personal, and even though I can't wrap my head around 99% of what's there, He reveals Himself through things I can't even begin to comprehend. I am absolutely awestruck at His grace for me, but also am shocked at how misunderstood God is in our world today. The more I read, the more I am overwhelmed with how much wisdom and truth I find. Ephesians 2:1-6

"As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions- it is by grace you have been saved."

Everyone, EVERYONE, is so sinful, selfish, and unworthy by nature. We are all filthy insignificant beings by ourselves. To God's scale, nothing we can do, say, or try to be can earn us salvation or could ever be good enough to achieve righteousness. But because of the love He has shown for us, because of what He did on the cross, we are reconciled with our Creator- reunited with the One who chases after us day after day and finds value in us, beauty in our ashes. For even when we were the farthest away from God, stuck in the nastiness of this hateful, judgmental, world, He "made us alive with Christ." It is by grace that God has renewed us and continues renewing me tonight. I am so in awe of His greatness.

I feel like I just need to stop trying, stop being something that I am not, stop trying to do be so "good." By gratitude, thankfulness, and praise only should I should serve and do good works, not to earn something in return from God. Ephesians 2:8-10 goes on to say, "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

Grace is God's unconditional, "no matter what," undeserved gift to me.

I'll stop preaching.
Sincerely,
Liz.

Holy BuhJesus.

I find it funny that every time I randomly think, "Oh, let's go look at Blogspot," I always do the same exact thing.

1) I laugh at myself.
2) I find the very strange need write a new post.

So, here I am. Randomly popping in. It's been too long! (In a British accent.) Hahh

Life, is.. usual. No guys. Doing okay in school. May get my first B. Don't judge me. Ashley & Amy are still my freaking homegirls. Family's good, although both my parents are out of town at the moment. Mom gets home any second, dad's in India, and my brother goes back to college tomorrow. So, even though everyone's moving and chaotic, I'm just kind of chilling at home. We've been out of school ALL WEEK for snow. That mixed with exam stuff is quite confusing. LOVE my church peeeeps. But I feel like everyone is leaving. I miss Mission Zero like crazy. Cause 6000 did surprisingly well, and He didn't disappoint, once again. We were in the paper last week? Hahh. HAD A MEETING FOR GHANA THIS SUMMER! Wooooohoo. Can't freaking wait, and need to get started on my application business and the 50 billion shots in each arm I have to get. I got an amazing camera for Christmas, which I LOVEEEEE, and haven't been taking as many pictures as I thought I would, which is depressing. But I'm going to start spazzing out soon, I promised myself. Here's a random list of things I want to photograph soon:

- the little yellow mailbox down the road
- the house/shack thing up the road
- peoplepeoplepeople!
- some more eyes.. (I used to have an obsession with taking photos of eyes, and I miss it.)
- memorable moments

I CAN'T WAIT FOR LADY GAGA'S NEW SINGLE/ALBUM! Her creativity and individuality fascinates me. Also looking forward to Bieber's movie Never Say Never. Heck yes! And of course, even more than these things, X1003403466752367232677842654129483939, I'm looking forward to the season premiere of SKINS! I'm almost through with the first season of the UK's version of the show, and I cannnnnnnot wait. I'm also excited for a new semester, a fresh start.

I hope to be challenged spiritually, emotionally, socially, & mentally this year. See you next random time I check in on good ol' Blogspot. Maybe some more poetry soon?

lessthanthree lessthanthree lessthanthree lessthanthree lessthanthree
Sincerely,
Liz.

When My Feet Travel

Stained and battered,
Fallen again,
Again.

With no worth,
My heart yearns for something more.

I stumble and crash,
Bruises only visible to a King.

Love and compassion,
Wrap their arms around me.

When running into my mess,
I couldn't help but find Your grace.

Rescuing such a lost and wounded soul,
You breathe life into my lungs,
And meaning into my being.

When my feet travel far away from You,
And my heart resists your love,

I glance over my shoulder,
and look past my pride.

Only to find my Savior,
Chasing His pride & joy.

Is it just me?

Is it just me, or is everyone else also starting to believe those "crazy preachers" who have been preaching of the end of the world & the revelation for the past few years?

Another earthquake hit Chile today, with even greater magnitude than the recent one in Haiti.

This is really starting to freak me out.

Just sayin'.

Focusing on who I am instead of what I want to do/who I want to be with.

Just sayin'.
Sincerely,
Liz.